III

I find it to be funny that many people I meet believe their life is ruled by reason: methodically calculating situations and believing they somewhat control the outcome of those decisions and as a product of that - their lives. There is belief in the illusion of control. I see reason, and religion for the more devout readers, to be ideas that we created to comfort us and help us deal with thoughts and feelings which are natural to being human, but are so hard to understand. What we try to do is break it down to subsets of things we can understand. Placing those small unrelated pieces together, we try to make sense of whatever the hell we are feeling, or whatever we are doing here anyway. We all agree on the fact that this crooked puzzle looks good and that we shouldn't talk about it.

We are taught by others to think in certain ways and our parents and loved ones say it's all going to be ok. All you have to do is not feel upset, conform, agree but still have you're own opinion about things so it wouldn't seem like you're a totally uninteresting person. We get by every day, doing crazy routines we were taught when we were young. We hardly question them because hey, who has the time to question things when we have jobs to go to, schools to attend, sports to physically strain ourselves with or just mindless entertainment that comforts us in any way we would need comforting. Even when we take time to ourselves we go on vacations to punish ourselves with ideas of how relaxing should look like and how we should make the most out of our time. We will tend to do that our entire lives: living to the fullest extent from one amazing moment to another trying not to miss out. Some of you might call me cynical saying that and you are entitled to your opinion but let's agree to disagree.

I believe a reality without the concept of reason or any religion constraining you to a certain path is way more beautiful. We all have no idea what we are doing. We're just beings trying to understand what we are doing with this entity which we call "life". We all have our poets and writers, but apart from a different timeframe and intellect or insight, they are exactly the same as you and me: trying to figure out what the hell we are doing. They leave their traces on human history, but nobody really has answers to anything, because we cannot define what defines us. I believe therein lies beauty.

I look up at the sky in the middle of the night and realize that I can't see beyond the black and that all the chaos in the world and all these unrelated events give meaning to my life. A life which I will keep on trying to define until my death is near.

Ben